The many faces of fear
by Sapphire1112
Summary: One shot. Set after they return from Mexico after 'Awakening' So excited for the new series but it still seems too far away so just to keep us all going...I do not own the characters.


Jack had stayed in Nikki's spare room the first night after they returned from Mexico. They were both tired and had gone to sleep relatively quickly – _despite_ the horrors of the previous few days. In the early hours, however, Jack was woken by anguished sobbing from Nikki's room. He rushed next door to find her sat up in bed – trying her best to slow her breathing back down.

Jack sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug, rocking her gently. " _Shh_ , it's ok. You're safe now." He whispered. "You're safe."

" _I'm sorry...I had a...really bad...thing."_ She muttered, once she had calmed down a little.

"A nightmare?" He asked.

"Yeah." She agreed. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean to wake you."

"Hey, it's ok." He told her softly. " _That's what I'm here for – isn't it._ "

"Will you stay in here with me?" She sniffed. "Don't want to be on my own."

 _And so he did._

The second night, as Jack prepared to head into the spare room, Nikki was suddenly overcome with fear at the thought of waking from another nightmare alone and grasped his hand. Seeing the look of terror on her pale face, he understood, and squeezing her hand comfortingly, he followed her into her room.

In the early hours, it was Jack this time, who dreamt that he had found the box – only to discover her _partially decomposed_ body inside. He woke up yelling and Nikki was left comforting _him_.

After that – having _both_ suffered hellish torment in their sleep, Jack and Nikki both chose to stay together at night for the present.

The nightmares were not always as vivid now – some nights even passed free from them, but the night terrors were still a _fairly frequent_ occurrence and often one – _or both_ of them were plagued by the horrors that had occurred in Mexico.

Jack had gone _straight_ back to work, however Thomas had insisted that Nikki took some leave – though she didn't take as _much_ as he would have liked.

Now back at the Lyell, Nikki sighed and turned to look at the three concerned faces staring back at her. "Let me ask you something Thomas. Are you going to _lock me in a dark room, on my own?_ "

Thomas looked shocked. " _No, of course not!_ " He exclaimed.

"Well then, _I'm_ fine!" She remarked. "So you can all stop asking if I'm ok _every five minutes_ and let me do my job!"

"We're just worried about you, Nikki – that's all." Clarissa explained gently.

" _Well don't be!"_ Nikki answered. "But while we're on the subject of _worrying_ , I've been wondering – _what do you intend to do about Jack?"_

" _What?!_ " Thomas and Clarissa both inquired loudly. "What's wrong with him?"

" _I'm fine!_ " Jack muttered, staring at the floor.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed that he's much _angrier_ than usual!" Nikki responded – ignoring Jack's feeble protest. "I'm not stupid – I might have been _on leave_ but I've seen him _every day_ after work when he comes to check up on me. I can _tell_ that he's spent all day lashing out at you both!"

There was an awkward silence for a minute.

" _I'm fine!_ " Jack repeated sulkily.

Thomas sighed. "I hate to say it Jack, but she's _right_ – you have been. _She can read you like a book._ "

"I'm _afraid_ , there aren't enough punch bags in the gym _this_ time, Jack!" Nikki commented. "Why can't you just _yell_ at me like you _normally_ do, huh? I'm not made of glass like you seem to think and this is _awful_ – it's like walking on bloody _eggshells_ around you!"

"I'm _not_..." Jack started.

"You _are_ angry at me!" Nikki retorted. "There's a whole _list_ of reasons why you're angry at me. Are _you_ going to tell me what they are or do I have to do _that_ as well?!"

"Well, _you_ seem to know all about it!" Jack exclaimed throwing his hands up.

" _Fine._ " She answered turning to Thomas. "It's a long list – you _might_ want to sit down."

Clarissa chuckled as Thomas obediently pulled out the lab stool next to her and perched on it.

Nikki turned to Jack, who was avoiding eye contact with once again. " _Firstly_ , you're angry that I _repeatedly_ ignored you when you begged me to come back to England with you." She began. "You _know_ that Gustavo warned me we were _targets_ and told me to let you take me home, but I ignored _him_ too, so you're angry about that. You're _angry_ that I kept pushing things to find Louisa even though I _knew_ it was getting more dangerous." She continued. "You're angry that I _volunteered_ to do the prisoner's insulin and that I then lost my temper with him because it meant that I no longer had access to him. _You think_ that if I hadn't lost my temper, Eva would have taken _you_ instead." Nikki paused. "You've been angry ever since you found out _what I tried to do_ in the box when I didn't believe I was going to get out. You're _also_ angry that I _deliberately_ sent you to save Louisa and the other people _instead_ of me." She paused again. "And... _I think_ you're angry with _yourself_ as well. You _think_ that you should've tried _harder_ to get me to leave Mexico before every thing kicked off. You _think_ you should've been there to _stop them_ from taking me and you _think_ that you didn't try hard enough to _find_ me. And-" Nikki continued. "You're angry at yourself for _being angry at me_ and for not being _able_ to yell at me." She finished.

" _Wow!"_ Clarissa stated. "That's a _lot_ of anger!"

Jack said nothing and he remained staring at the floor sullenly.

"Well, Jack?" Thomas pressed him. "What do you have to say?"

" _Nothing."_ Jack answered crossly. "I have _nothing_ to add." He stood up – having decided that leaving the room was his best option at this point.

"Well, it looks like you're right _again_ , Nikki!" Clarissa commented. "So, if you're _that_ angry, Jack – _why_ haven't you yelled at her?" She asked as he passed her on his way out the room.

Jack stopped in his tracks – but still failed to provide an answer.

Nikki answered for him again. "Because he's scared that if he yells at me, he'll wake up and find that I didn't _really_ get out of the box alive." She said quietly. She stood up and made her way over to him. "But if _this_ – me being alive, was a _dream_ , Jack – don't you think you would have woken up by now?" She touched his arm lightly. "So come on – _yell at me_."

He moved his arm away, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat. "I _can't_." He muttered and walked out the room.

"Let him go." Thomas told Nikki as she debated whether or not to follow Jack. " _Just let him go._ "

Nikki sighed and went back to her desk.

Thomas followed. "What did you mean, by ' _What you tried to do in the box'_?" He questioned.

Nikki bit her lip. "I thought I wasn't going to get out and it was the _alternative_ to dehydration or suffocation when the oxygen ran out. I thought it would be _quicker_ and..." She hesitated. "...less... _unpleasant._ I had a little piece of broken wood, so..."

Thomas nodded his understanding. "You tried to cut your wrist." He said quietly. " _What stopped you?"_

"It wasn't _sharp_ enough." Nikki shrugged. "There was a _splinter_ in my wrist when I got out and I had to explain _why_. I guess he's angry that I didn't _believe_ he would find me in time. But I tried to do it for _him_ as well as me...I mean we had _no idea_ where I was. The _whole_ bloody country looked the same. I was underground and I could have been _anywhere_. The chances of him _finding me_...well I thought it would be _impossible_. Being a doctor – I know the _right_ place and I thought it would hurt him _less_ if he thought that I'd _quickly bled to death_ , rather than a slow death from lack of water and air...you do _understand that_ – don't you?" Nikki implored Thomas and Clarissa.

They nodded.

By the time Jack _returned_ to their office, Nikki had disappeared into the cutting room with Thomas and only Jack & Clarissa remained in the lab for the next couple of hours.

" _She shouldn't be here!_ " Jack hissed at the latter when she eventually dared to prod him about Nikki's earlier speech. "Nikki is _supposed_ to be on leave! She's having nightmares _frequently_ about what happened in Mexico – _she shouldn't be here!_ " He repeated.

A voice spoke quietly behind him. "Except I'm not the _only one_ who's having nightmares – am I?"

Jack jumped violently – he hadn't noticed that Thomas and Nikki were back in the room. " _You're-you're back_!"

"We've finished for the day.." Thomas explained. "Is it _true_ , Jack?"

"Huh?"

"Is it true that _you're_ having nightmares too?" Thomas asked again patiently.

"That's _different_." Jack muttered.

"No, it's not." Nikki responded gently.

"Yes it _is_!" He insisted. " _You-you_ need someone there. I-I _don't_."

Silence followed - with neither Thomas or Clarissa knowing what to say.

"Yeah, you're _right_ , Jack." Nikki agreed putting her coat on. "But if _you_ don't need me, then I _certainly_ don't need you." She started to do her buttons up. "So...I guess... _you can go back home,_ can't you." She told him coldly and without showing any emotion.

Jack looked taken aback. _Surely she didn't mean it?_ _His Nikki was not throwing him out?_ "Well...I-"

Nikki rooted around in her draw for something. " _Good luck_ for your fight." She exclaimed to Jack in the same cold tone. Picking her bag up, she walked over to him and lifted up his hand in hers, she unfolded his clasped fingers and placed in his palm, her spare key, before closing his fingers around it again. "Of course, should you _change your mind_ later – you know where I live." She remarked in a much warmer manner. "Good night Clarissa – Thomas. See you tomorrow."

"Good night" they chorused as she left.

Thomas leaned towards Clarissa. "I didn't know Jack had a fight tonight." He commented in a whisper.

" _He didn't_." Clarissa chuckled. "But he does _now_! He _spontaneously_ goes cage-fighting when he's stressed – and I does know if you've noticed, but nothing stresses him out _more_ than a row with Nikki!"

"Hm-mm, yes I have noticed!" Thomas agreed. "Did you know that he was still staying with her?"

"Nope." Clarissa answered.

"Well I'm glad." Thomas remarked. "It's good for _both_ of them."

They looked up to see Jack still staring after Nikki, looking forlorn.

"You know something, Jack?!" Clarissa called over at him. "Considering how you much you _insist_ that you and Nikki _aren't_ together – you're doing a _great_ impression of a man who's just been _dumped_!"

" _Shut up!_ " Jack retorted at her rudely – before grabbing his coat.

Thomas sighed. "Jack, just say _sorry_ to her!"

"I'm going for a _fight_." He snapped, before storming out.

" _Told you!_ " Clarissa chuckled again. "Don't worry, Thomas – he'll go for a cage-fight and _then_ he'll go to Nikki's to _grovel_ – _trust me_!"

Nikki decided on an early night. The truth was that she was _already_ missing Jack's company. They'd spent almost _every_ evening together since coming back from Mexico and they got on so well that they didn't even _need_ to talk. They could just sit and watch a film. If they _did_ talk, conversation was so easy that it didn't need to be about anything in particular. Jack just being in the room was company enough but now that he wasn't here – _the silence was biting._ If she fell asleep, _maybe_ she would forget that he wasn't here.

Going to bed early was a mistake though, Nikki now realised and she was _regretting_ telling Jack to go away. Faced with the prospect of having a nightmare without Jack there for comfort was terrifying. _Maybe she did need him after all_ – of course she'd known that anyway, but she wanted _him_ to realise that _he needed her_ too. The _first_ step to healing was admitting to _having a problem_ in the first place and Jack was not admitting _anything_. He'd gone straight back to work as though nothing had happened and he was _stubbornly_ in denial.

No, Jack was not admitting to anything and Nikki was _very_ worried about him. At times, the night terrors were as bad as ever for them _both_ and they weren't going to improve much if Jack kept _ignoring_ his issues during the day. That's what telling him to leave had been all about. Nikki had _hoped_ it would shock him into realising that he needed to deal with things, and she had given him her spare key in the hope that he would come back to her after his _inevitable_ cage-fight. The more she though about it though, she _knew_ she had been _too_ harsh. Jack had looked _so_ upset and she very much doubted whether he would _want_ to come back at all. Nikki tossed and turned, unable to sleep, but she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to _force_ her mind into oblivion anyway.

" _Are you asleep?_ " He whispered as the bed dipped slightly next to her. Upon finding her apparently _already_ sleeping, Jack was a little worried now, that she had _meant_ _it_ when she said she didn't need him – but then she _had_ given him her spare key.

Nikki opened her eyes and gave a dejected sigh. "No – you know p _erfectly well_ that I can't sleep on my own, Jack."

He stretched his arm out above her head as he shuffled down under the duvet. "I know – I'm sorry." He mumbled. "And you were _right_ – I can't sleep _on my own_ either."

Nikki propped herself up on one arm. "Jack Hodgson – did you just _admit_ _to needing me_?" She teased him affectionatly.

He sighed. " _Yes_ – ok? Yes, _I need you._ "

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist. "So...did you _win_?"

Jack grinned. " _Of course, I won! You wished me luck, didn't you!_ "


End file.
